Death and Taxes: Hydriotaphia and Other Plays Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Epigraph

  Acknowledgments

  Introduction

  Reverse Transcription - Six Playwrights Bury a Seventh

  Production History

  Characters

  Setting

  Hydriotaphia OR - The Death of Dr. Browne

  Production History

  Sir Thomas Browne and the Restoration

  Dramatis Personae

  Setting

  Some Thoughts about the Play:

  Act One - CONTEMPTUS MUNDI

  Act Two - IN WHAT TORNE SHIP SOEVER I EMBARKE

  Act Three - THE DANCE OF DEATH

  Act Four - WHO SEES GOD’S FACE, THAT IS SELF LIFE, MUST DIE

  Act Five - POST MORTEM

  An Afterword

  G. David Schine in Hell

  Cast

  Setting

  Notes on Akiba

  Author’s Note

  Terminating

  Characters

  Place

  East Coast Ode to Howard Jarvis - A Little Teleplay in Tiny Monologues

  Howard Jarvis and the Anti-tax Revolution

  Characters

  Author’s Note

  Copyright Page

  . . . poems should be written rarely and reluctantly, under unbearable duress and only with the hope that good spirits, not evil ones, choose us for their instruments.

  —CZESLAW MILOSZ from “Ars Poetica?”

  Thanks as always to Terry Nemeth, patron saint of play publishing, and again to Kathy Sova, for their patience and thoughtful guidance; to Joyce Ketay, as always my wonder-agent and fellow adventurer; and to Mark Harris, with love and gratitude for reading the contents of this book and helping me groom it.

  Introduction

  . . . In vain do individuals hope for immortality, or any patent from oblivion, in preservations below the Moon . . . from “Hydriotaphia or Urne-Buriall”

  —SIR THOMAS BROWNE

  THIS IS AN ODD assemblage of plays, for which gathering-together there is no overarching thematic justification. Because several of the plays deal with death, and one of the death-plays deals as well with money, and the last play deals with taxation, we’re calling the book Death & Taxes. But all plays, directly or indirectly, are about death and taxes, so this title explains little. I could have called it Things I Wrote While Mustering the Courage to Write a Full-length Play to Follow Angels in America, and that would have been more precise, but also misleading, since I have written a few full-length plays since Angels, which are being nursed to viability and pre-sentability in various incubatory and preparatory institutions, soon (if my courage holds up) to be released for public viewing, and the devil take the hindmost. I don’t have a real job but my not-real job is tough, at least it is tough for an essentially lily-livered person such as my timorous self.

  I wrote Reverse Transcription because Michael Bigelow Dixon, the dramaturgical eminence of the Actors Theatre of Louisville, asked me to write a ten-minute play. It was produced in 1996 at the Humana Festival, which is a sort of beauty pageant for new plays, where it was entirely outshone by another ten-minute play, What I Meant Was, a tiny masterpiece by Craig Lucas, to whom, coincidentally, Reverse Transcription is dedicated.

  Scott Cummings, drama critic for the Boston Phoenix, approached me in the ATL bar after a performance with the theory that Reverse Transcription is a personal lament for writing in a quieter, safer time, before all the hoo-hah over Angels. Scott pointed out that Ding, the name of the play’s deceased playwright, is the sound a typewriter carriage makes on its return—an evocation, he proposed, of an earlier (pre-wordprocessor) day and age, before writing became so electrified, so scary. “And poor Ding is dead.”

  My favorite part of the play is Ella Fitzgerald’s Cole Porter Songbook version of “Begin the Beguine,” the first Tin Pan Alley tune I ever memorized (the start of a lifelong addiction), which I sing to myself for good luck before every opening night, which I have stipulated in my will is to be played at my funeral, along with Mahler’s “Resurrection” Symphony, Dvořák’s Ninth, Brahms’s Fourth and Bach’s St. Matthew’s Passion. I envision a lengthy service. Bring lunch.

  I have always told people that my first play was A Bright Room Called Day, and my second play was Angels in America, Part One: Millennium Approaches. This is, as Rudolph Giuliani, Mayor of New York, once put it, “so far from the truth that it is almost a lie.” In between writing Bright Room and Angels, I wrote another play, a weird one, called Hydriotaphia or The Death of Dr. Browne. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I think I wrote Hydriotaphia as a crash course in learning how to write jokes. I assembled a cast before I started writing—friends, actors I’d met while doing graduate work at New York University’s Theater Program—so each part was written for a specific personality. The play starred Stephen Spinella, my favorite actor on earth, and many other spectacularly talented people. I wrote it in three weeks, and we spent three weeks rehearsing it, and we performed it, all three hours of it, in a tiny un-air-conditioned theater in Soho in full period costumes (scrabbled together from cheesecloth, mop handles and moth-eaten bathrobes on a $1,000 budget by the astounding Priscilla Stampa, who also triumphed as the ancient cook, Babbo) during a month-long lethal heat wave, in the summer of 1987, featuring on-the-street temperatures of 102 degrees and in-the-theater temperatures of at least twice that. The cast and I loved working on Hydriotaphia, loved performing it. Its audiences were confused by it, mostly; they were being baked, they were oxygen-deprived, they were perched on metal folding chairs, they were baffled by everything from the made-up dialect the servants speak to the play’s title. People left silently, slick with sweat, weak with heat exhaustion and relief. I was devastated. The director, Michael Greif, who came up to me after one especially grim, sweltering performance, shoved both his hands in my hair, rubbed vigorously as if doing a phrenological exam, and said, “You have a good head.” It was exactly what I needed to hear, and it remains perhaps the most reassuring compliment I have ever received. It’s not especially reassuring to be praised extravagantly, as it tends to make one, well, to make me feel fraudulent, but it is nice, and not excessively productive of cognitive dissonance, to be told you have a good head. I am grateful to Michael to this day.

  I first read Thomas Browne’s essay, “Hydriotaphia or Urne-Buriall” because, years ago, when I was a student at Columbia University, a boy I was in love with, a Harvard student, had memorized several passages from the essay to declaim at some ancient declamation competition Harvard annually sponsors. He was lovely and he had a deep, velvety voice, my beloved, a marvelous purr, perfect for the churchyard-tolling cadences and sepulchral mysteries of Browne’s intricately twisted black coral branch of a prose poem. I was so afraid of my sexual feelings at that time, locked so tightly in my closet, I didn’t realize I was painfully in love. This is the keenest memory from my time adoring Jim: Him standing in his dorm room, me lying on his bed, rapturously listening to him, his sonorous, sexy recitation of Browne’s three-hundred-plus-years-old brooding on the subject of death and life-after-death. Love denied, seeking attachment, will fall in love with its own funeral service; mine did.

  After the first production, I shoved Hydriotaphia in my file cabinet, and it would have remained there, I think, probably permanently. But Michael Mayer, my best girlfriend, now a fabulous director, who was the assistant director and stage manager for the original production, asked me to let him have a go at Hydriotaphia as a project for graduate students at NYU in 1998, eleven years after the original production. I rewrote some of it, but most of the present version, and the
play’s essential weirdness, remain unchanged from the first draft. Michael Mayer got too busy to continue with the project at NYU, so Michael Wilson took over, and with a marvelous student cast did a marvelous job staging the play; which he then brought to the Alley Theatre in Houston. The Houston audiences were largely annoyed by what they saw, and they had plush seats and lots of air-conditioning ; when the production moved on to Berkeley Rep, audiences were more enthusiastic, but not much more. Critics sniffed.

  I have hopes that Hydriotaphia will find its production and its audience somewhere, someday. Perhaps the play is more comfortable in the improvisational, impoverished circumstances whence it sprang, minus the punishing heat wave. Plays retain, as if holding a deep memory, the conditions and occasions of their creation; the origins haunt future productions of any given play, even when the play is very old. The original event is worked into the lines, into the stage directions if there are any, into the rhythms of the text, like a trauma; the restless spirit of the first production stirs each time the text is brought into rehearsal.

  The actor who first played Death, Sam Calandrino, completely terrifying and delightful in the part, died immediately after the production, following complications from an emergency surgery.

  G. David Schine in Hell was written in 1996 for the New York Times Magazine as part of their year-end roundup of deceased notable Americans. Because of strict Times’ policies, much of the profanity in the piece had to be edited out. I argued this policy over the phone with a beleaguered copy editor. I was in the lobby of a small hotel on the Yorkshire moors, and I heatedly defended each “FUCK” in the piece, not realizing that I was offending the other hotel guests, until a pleasant but insistent assistant manager requested that I hang up the pay phone and leave the establishment. I was amused that the Times would not allow the term “alter kocher,” which means “oldtimer,” because it is literally but inaccurately translated as “old crapper”; on the other hand, “dreck,” which actually means “shit” and is frequently used to mean “shit,” had been used six times previously in the newspaper, so it was ruled that “dreck” was permissible. The copy editor, who the week before had had to edit out the expletives in a lengthy article about the Attica uprising, was pleasant and consoling, but not especially impressed by nor sympathetic to my complaints.

  Notes on Akiba was written on an airplane in 1995 for an event at the Jewish Museum, The Third Seder, sponsored by the great klezmer band, The Klezmatics. Michael Mayer, my best girlfriend, and I performed it, lashing each other with leeks.

  Terminating was commissioned in 1998 by The Acting Company to be part of an omnibus play called “Love’s Fire,” conceived by Anne Cattaneo as a series of one-acts based on Shakespeare’s sonnets. I love the sonnets but I have always found that the love object remains rather generic throughout, and only the sonneteer, the lover, is illuminated, revealed—this may say something about love as a primarily narcissistic enterprise; I reject that premise. The sonnets, read back-to-back, call to mind a brilliant obsessive, hammering hammering hammering away at some other person, the adored, who never gets a word in and, finally, must feel rather worn out, being so much admired and inspected and derided and desired; who must, finally, many sonnets into it, wish that the adorer would put his cornucopia away and retire for the night.

  Terminating or Sonnet LXXV or “Lass meine Schmerzen nicht verloren sein” or Ambivalence is dedicated to my psychoanalyst, the great Deborah Glazer, with whom, sadly, very very sadly, I am terminating, after life-changing work. Let no one ever believe that psychoanalysis, or very good therapy, is a waste of time, for to believe that is to believe that people aren’t changeable, and to believe that people aren’t changeable is to miss the whole point of everything, of sea-changing Shakespeare and of life and everything. “Lass meine Schmerzen nicht verloren sein” is a prayer sung by Ariadne in Strauss’s Ariadne Auf Naxos. “Let my pain not be in vain.” Sing it, sister. And how is pain redeemable? When it alters something for the better. As it sometimes can do.

  The volume closes with East Coast Ode to Howard Jarvis. I was hired by Alec Baldwin to write a short monologue spoken by an ordinary working-class New Yorker dealing with an extraordinary situation. Instead I wrote a play of extremely short monologues spoken by many working-class New Yorkers who made an extraordinary mess and then faced the consequences. This sad story really happened, though not precisely as I have described it. I read in the papers that a bunch of cops and other law enforcement officers had gotten caught evading taxes, believing that submitting to the tax authorities a dazzlingly stupid letter/manifesto relieved them of the obligation. Their letter was quoted in full in the papers, splenetically hissing, buzzing, cackling with the rhetoric of the loony right, of militia groups and white supremacists and Trent Lott and Charlton Heston. I was curious about how New York cops had come across such a document, and I decided that it must have been found on the Internet. I was right. I assumed that citizens of my beloved city wouldn’t have shared deeply the pernicious politics of those antisocial, antidemocratic, murderous nutbag groups; I assumed that the real ideologues of the violent right were still to be found mainly in places like Colorado, Texas, Idaho, Orange County, and had established no beachhead in rude-but-sane, contentious, incessantly public/civic and, basically decent, New York. And I was right again—the cops who fished the letter from the Web appear to have been driven entirely by greed, and not infected by the uglier, darker ambitions of the Reagan/Gingrich/Bush anti-tax counterrevolution. This is partly what fascinated me about the story, the way that it recapitulated the success of the right in the 1980s and 1990s, getting people to sell their birthright (a functioning pluralistic democracy) for a mess of pottage.

  I should mention that this play was written in 1996, and my beloved city has changed. Recent events in the drastically polarized, bunkered and barricaded New York of Rudolph Giuliani, with its creepy cleanliness, with its union-busting, its museum-busting, its autocratic irrationality, its hate-the-poor heartlessness, with the torture of Abner Louima and the mayorally sanctioned killings of Amadou Diallo and Patrick Dorismond—this shift, these outrages, make me wonder if perhaps the more sinister aspects of the radical right’s political project have taken root, even here; if the ego anarchism, gun fetishism, supremacism masquerading as individualism, the tyranny masquerading as moral defense and free-market frat party, have come to seem as reasonable to a sizable percentage of New Yorkers in 2000 as they seemed enticing to the sad (mostly southern and midwestern young white male) one-fifth of the national populace that voted for the Gingrich gang in 1995; if even New York is weakening in its resolve to remain multicultural, democratic, communal, free. Since New York with its vibrant, brilliant culture has always been America’s proof that these social ideals are worth striving for, tough though the struggle may be, such a capitulation would be a tragedy of national proportions.

  East Coast Ode has yet to be filmed. I’ve performed it publicly on numerous occasions, as I travel around, doing lectures and readings, earning money while avoiding writing plays. I have written a few screenplays and teleplays, including Ode, all languishing, none scheduled for production. Perhaps my screenplays retain as a deep memory the deep distaste their author feels for the form. I love movies, but somebody else should write them; at least I feel this way today, mostly because, though I have been handsomely remunerated for my movie and TV writing, I am bitterly disappointed, as none of my work for Hollywood has achieved what I’d hoped for it, which is to provide its author a pretext to meet Meryl Streep.

  I write for film and TV to pay bills, and to pay taxes, which burden flesh is heir to, and that is that, and it’s unseemly to complain. I have never been good with my money; it and I are soon parted. I have specified in my will that, on my tombstone, I want carved Blanche Dubois’s line, for which wisdom either she or Tennessee ought to have received the Nobel Prize for Economics, “Money just goes, it just goes places.” I don’t mind being a working writer. I suspect that I woul
d produce nothing were I not afraid of bankruptcy. What else goads us to produce, at least as our social and political economy is currently constituted, but a fear of the taxman, and a fear of death? Both death and taxes impose upon our liberty; absolute liberty, like immortality, is pure fantasy, for we are all communal, connected, contexted, and understanding our context makes the inescapable imposition of taxes, and of death, less onerous. To live forever, to be beholden to no one and responsible for nothing, to be for yourself alone—well of course all of us dream these dreams, bracing and lonely, but dreams end, and the sun comes up, and shake a leg and get to work, serious work! Tax time is nigh, and the deadline approaches.

  Tony Kushner

  Union Square, The Upper West Side, Manitou

  April 1, 2000

  Reverse Transcription

  Six Playwrights Bury a Seventh

  A Ten-Minute Play

  That’s Nearly

  Twenty Minutes Long

  This play is for Craig Lucas

  Thanks to Michael Bigelow Dixon, Jon Jory, who commissioned the play, and Liz Engleman and Jeffrey Ullom, who helped me think about it; also Lisa Peterson, my dear friend, who came to rehearsal, listened, and said she didn’t understand what I was going on about. The play improved as a result.

  Production History

  In March 1996 Reverse Transcription was produced by the Actors Theatre of Louisville (Jon Jory, Producing Director) as part of the Ten-Minute Play series of their 20th Annual Humana Festival of New American Plays. The production was directed by the author. Scenic design was by Paul Owen, costumes were by Kevin R. McLeod, lights were by T. J. Gerckens and sound was by Martin R. Desjardins. The cast was as follows: